Wednesday, September 24, 2008

6 months old today

Today my baby turned 6 months old.
Where did my tiny little newborn go? The sweet little miracle I prayed so hard for and waited my whole life to meet who came screaming into this world just 26 1/2 weeks ago...how did he turn into this chubby little creature who smiles and chatters and laughs at my silly faces? Will I ever get used to how fast he's growing?
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Every sleepless night spent helplessly trying to soothe him, every moment of exhaustion spent holding him close and trying to make him feel safe, every dirty diaper changed, every bottle warmed and fed, every minute spent playing and teaching him to become independent...where did it all go?
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And it's only been six months. A blink of an eye. Another six months and he'll be calling me by name. Crawling...maybe walking...feeding himself. Soon he'll be running and testing his boundaries, becoming a little person with his own dreams and abilities. I want to give him so much, every opportunity, every happiness, to teach him to be good and kind and strong...
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Will he ever know how much I love him? Probably not until he has a child of his own. I had no idea, and still probably have no idea, how much my parents love me until I became a parent myself. How my every thought revolves around him and how all of my decisions will impact him and his life. I am so humbled to be entrusted with this precious little life. I am so unequipped, so flawed and fallen that it scares me silly that I am responsible for raising him and teaching him how to live.
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Yet I have been redeemed, bought at a price. And because of this, I have hope that I can raise this child, along with my husband and our families. Raise him to be a good, kind and strong man who knows and loves Jesus and will teach his children to do the same. Will I ever know how much God loves me? Probably not, but now that I have a child of my own, it gives His sacrifice such new meaning. Before we were blessed with Liam, I gave him to God in my heart. It is a struggle every day to stay true to this promise. My flesh wants to claim him as my own. But I know that he was a gift, and entrusted to my care for only a little while.
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So I solicit your prayers, that I may be a good mother to this little miracle. That I will put my own wants and desires for his life aside and be open to what God has planned for him. I know it will be far greater than anything I could ever give him. I thank everyone who has already invested in his life, and for those who read this from afar that pray for our little blessing. Thank you.

3 comments:

Catherine and Brooke said...

Thanks for making me tear up AFTER putting on my mascara! :) That was such a sweet entry. How amazing! Can't wait to see him in just a couple of weeks. LOVE that Dawgs hat on him! Where's the cute bunny picture taken?

The Nealons said...

Children are an amazingly beautiful blessing. Thank you so much for sharing him with us....he is so precious and is equally gifted to have you and James as parents.

The Hudgins said...

nikki,
soooo sweet. i loved the 6 mo portraits. i KNOW it flies...and i'm so trying to cherish these newborn moments with jaxon....even in my sleepless haze.
i love keeping up with ya'll via the blog.
james, if you're reading this...hello! been way too long.